There was a man I had hoped would be at the gathering in New Orleans, and he wasn't. (I'll call him Guy.) I knew him from when we had both lived in the DC area, 20+ years ago. I recently located him again on the internet and in the new Mensa membership roster. He's living in California. After I had left Ex#2, Guy had visited me in NY, and I had visited him in DC, but I found I was getting too intense too quickly, and I wasn't ready for that yet, so I had kind of let him drift away by not responding to overtures the way I should have. He probably thought I'd decided I didn't like him that much, but actually I liked him too much, and I didn't trust my feelings. By the time I was ready to look him up again, he had moved, and there was no internet then.
In the meantime there was Jay, and that was right and good.
Now, I wonder what stage Guy's life is in. Maybe....?
But I can't just contact him out of the blue, like, hey, here I am. I'm emotionally stable now. Wanna play? Oh, your wife? Oops.
Actually, I don't know what I want to do with him, and that's part of my problem. It may be just simple curiosity. What's he like now. What's he doing. We used to have some of the most amazing conversations, and I loved the way he made me feel, but I never felt that I knew the real him all that well, and that was part of the problem. I think I may just want him back as an amazing friend (we have the same birthday).
So I had hoped he'd just appear in New Orleans, and we could say "Wow", and start on new ground, whatever that ground is. I guess it's significant that if he's married, it wouldn't bother me, as long as he's happy. (Well, maybe not significant. I wasn't jealous of Jay's former wife back when I thought he was happy with her. Maybe I just want men I like/love to be happy.)
So. I've got a year now to figure out some way to get him to the world gathering next summer in Orlando without him knowing it's me.
~~Silk
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