Thursday, June 30, 2005

#279 Financial Advice

Forgot to report on the financial advisor meeting.  I am living on a piddling little way-below-poverty-level retirement check from The Company (and since they have cut our health benefits so drastically, I don't expect a COLA raise any time soon), an only slightly higher widow's benefit check from social security, and a moderately higher collection of stock dividend checks.  With all three (and no cable, no fancy stuff, etc.), I am moderately comfortable.  For a few years, anyway.  (Note - I was surprised to find that last year, when I had only the retirement check and the investment income, I was well below the local "poverty level".  But I don't have rent or a mortgage payment, so I guess that's why I didn't notice.)

But!  The most secure is the social security checks - so you can imagine how insecure the remainder is.   I don't at all trust The Company to even continue paying retirees.  (Not that I think they'd stop - just that if they did stop, I wouldn't be surprised.)  If the stock market tanks, I'll be in big trouble.

Almost all of my investments, accounting for 40% of my income, are in stock.  Slightly over half of the (offline) portfolio is in various oil companies (which, incidentally, pay very good dividends).  When you add in The Company, that accounts for about 2/3 of the investments in only two industries.  I have been fully aware for the past few years that I am very exposed.  I know that I should move some of it into bonds, or at the very least spread the stock out over several industries.

Therefore, the contacting of a financial advisor.  First time ever.

I made it clear to him that:
1.) I will control my portfolio.  I am asking only for advice, which I may or may not take.
2.) It is absolutely necessary that if I sell stock and buy bonds, I must maintain the same level of income, which may be difficult since the oil stocks I intend to sell also pay the highest dividends.
3.) Since bond investments don't grow, I will want to keep more than 50% in stock for growth, because as the cost of living goes up, that's about the only way I'll get a raise.

What came out of our meeting:
1.) I selected several stocks for potential sale (1/2 of this, 2/3 of that and that, all of that loser...), so we could get a dollar number to work with.  He agreed with my choices.
3.) I decided that I did not want a bond fund.
2.) We decided that individual short term government agency bonds would be a better choice because if interest rates go up, as anticipated, I will be in position to move without sacrifice.
3.) Even at the lower short term rate, when we ran the numbers, the income was sufficient to replace the lost dividends (especially since I decided to sell all the communications stocks, which didn't pay dividends anyway).
4.) My personal online portfolio** was judged extremely aggressive, so with that and what will be left of the stodgy blue chip offline portfolio, there's plenty of growth potential.   And since I don't depend on the online portfolio for income, I can stay aggressive there.
5.) After we get this all set up, he recommends that I see a lawyer about a trust (but I think not an unrevocable one!)

So, I'm satisfied.  It'll be late August before I can move on it, but at least now I know where I want to go.  That nagging worry in the back of my mind is lessened.

~~Silk

** Definition of "personal online portfolio":  When I sold the Highland house in late 2002, I invested half the profits in an online brokerage account, put one quarter into a money market account where I can access it immediately (that's what I've been using to buy materials for my planned future hobby/business), and spent the remaining quarter on myself (the fox coat, jewelry, rugs, etc.).  The online stock account has been doing very well.  I haven't been churning - I research, buy, and let it sit.  Over the past two and a half years, it has tripled.  I've been buying more stock with the dividends from that fund, so it's at the point now where it feeds itself. 

Moral:  Invest every extra penny, folks.  And you probably have more extra pennies than you think (do you really need that expensive bottled spring water, or the Starbucks frappe (Oh, wait, I have Starbucks stock - go ahead, give me your money!))  When Jay died, I was 57, and even without what I inherited from him, with only what I'd saved myself and a few minor adjustments to lifestyle, I would have been able to retire. Well, yeah, the life insurance helped to tip the scale.  But still, good choices along the way can give you enormous flexibility later.

#278 Travel Panic

The picture is my new suitcase.  It's huge!  Bigger than it looks in the picture, it reaches to the top of my hip.  I also bought a matching wheeled backpack/carryon.  The two together came to about $70.  (Wow!)

Jay and I had always preferred hard-sided luggage, and I have some really good (expensive) suitcases in the basement, but they all have integrated locks.  I refuse to leave my luggage completely unlocked.  The new bags use combination padlocks that airport screeners can use master keys to unlock.  They won't stop a determined thief, but at least it will discourage casual pilfering, and the bags won't accidentally pop open and spill all my stuff all over the tarmac.

Something that surprised me - the new bags have zippers in the linings, so you can inspect between the linings and the shells.  The old suitcases might have come through inspection with cut and torn linings! 

I'm leaving Wednesday, and I'm starting to panic over what clothing to take.  New Orleans in July will be hot and muggy.  (Hawaii in August won't be so bad - Hawaii is never bad.)  I don't know why, but as soon as I get more than 100 miles from home, by any means, I bloat and get constipated.  So clothing that is quite comfortable at home is too tight, binding, ugly, and uncomfortable away from home, especially if it's muggy.

So, I bought a bunch of Coldwater Creek "travel knit" slacks (I NEVER wear shorts!), tunics, and sleeveless long dresses.  They are spandex, but loose and airy and drapey.  Unfortunately, they all need hemming.  Hemming spandex is not fun.

I also have some cotton caftans from India and Egypt - also all needing hemming. 

Saturday night there's a formal dinner.  I have no "formal" clothing, so I plan to wear a new sari.  It's a dark green very lightweight silk with bits of real silver pounded into the fabric, very unusual and beautiful.  But, because I am so short and, um, full-bodied, I can't wear a sari "freehand" - there's just too much bulk to fold over and tuck into the waistband - so I trim saris and sew the lower portion onto a turned-over waistband.  With  a sewn waistband, I don't have to wear the traditional petticoat, just a half slip to keep it from "walking up", which is cooler, more comfortable, and cuts the bulk even further.  And - the pretty pleats don't keep falling apart.  You can't tell on casual inspection that it's not traditionally tucked.  It takes about six hours to fit, cut, pleat, and sew properly, and I plan to do that this evening and tomorrow morning.  

Sigh.  I guess that means I should get started.

~~Silk

#277 Not Necessarily a Joke

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

#276 'Nother Joke

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. His companion whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services.

He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?"

The operator, in a calm soothing voice, says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is a silence, and then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK ... now what?"

#275 Joke - Sherlock Goes Camping

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes," replies Watson.

"And what do you deduce from that?"

Watson ponders for a minute. "Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.

Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all-powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?"

Holmes glowers at him. "Watson, you idiot!" he says. "Someone has stolen our tent!"

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

#274 What Slanguage Do You Speak? - Part II

The first time I took this test (next previous entry), I approached it as "When I say this, what do I mean?"  When I say "Barbie" for example, I mean the doll.  I never call a grill a "barbie".  That's when I came out southern.  So I took it again with the same approach that I suspect most people used, "What do I think this means if I hear someone else say it?", and my profile is quite different.  So I guess I speak southern best, but I interpret aussie best.

Your Slanguage Profile

Aussie Slang: 75%

New England Slang: 50%

Southern Slang: 50%

British Slang: 25%

Canadian Slang: 25%

Prison Slang: 25%

Victorian Slang: 0%

What Slanguage Do You Speak?

                                               *************** 

I found the receipt from when we took the stuff from the basement to the dump.  It came to 760 lbs.  And that wasn't even the biggest or heaviest stuff.  There will be an eventual load of all paper that will easily top that.  

My eyes are burning.  Appointment with financial advisor tomorrow at 10 am.  Ack!  Bedtime!  

~~Silk 

Monday, June 27, 2005

#273 What Slanguage Do You Speak?

Your Slanguage Profile

Southern Slang: 75%

Aussie Slang: 50%

British Slang: 50%

Canadian Slang: 50%

New England Slang: 25%

Prison Slang: 25%

Victorian Slang: 0%

What Slanguage Do You Speak?  

I sorta suspected that.  It's odd that I should come out so high on southern, but zero on Victorian, when much of southern slang is Victorian.  I guess it's just the words they selected - more modern slang.