I got a note from a reader, referring to the previous entry, where he asked,"Isn't it traditional to have merry banter during the meal, and serious, 'Mensa' conversation after dinner?"
This is the text of my emailed response to him:
I had to laugh at that. There's no such thing. All controversial topics are absolutely banned. One woman tried to start a local discussion group, with a topic chosen for each month, and it died for lack of interest. Every once in a while an earnest young new member will show up for his first function, all prepared with facts and figures on some topic he wants to discuss, and people will literally turn their backs on him. Poor thing.
Mensa is nothing like the way it's portrayed in the media. The main topics of interest are food (especially pizza and chocolate), jokes, gossip, booze, fun, and games. In fact, you would never be able to pick out the Mensans in a restaurant (except that since most Mensans are rather lacking in the social graces, they do tend to be the loudest and possibly grossest table). Anyone could be comfortable at a Mensa function.
I first joined in Washington, DC, a much larger group. There were regularly 100-200 people at every party. We had White House staffers, CIA operatives, the chief of Naval Intelligence, reporters (including guys who worked on the Watergate story). Also janitors, mechanics, and housewives. You couldn't tell who was who. With a membership of more than 1000, [...actually, it was closer to 2000] it was impossible to know everyone, and we were surprised to discover that several of the most active "members" weren't members at all! Didn't even "qualify". They just showed up. And nobody noticed! (So much for the qualifications...!)
I understand the NYC group does have some "serious" discussion groups, but most Mensans see them as "pretentious, attended by a minority who are too impressed with themselves".
My opinion is that serious discussions are avoided because a significant few Mensans ARE impressed with themselves, and are convinced that they are always right, so real discussions of controversial topics are almost impossible. Some simply don't want to listen to a difference of opinion. Others are extremely defensive. A discussion can easily devolve into shouting matches, anger, and acrimony.
(Gee - this is pretty good. I think I'll put it in the journal.) [...and here it is!]
In my last position with The Company, I had final legal review and signoff on 35 products, from 5 programming labs around the country and in Europe. I could personally hold up the release of a product. If I called a lab or product manager, and said "I have a problem with XYZ", a hundred people snapped to attention. I got used to being listened to. With that power comes responsibility. One must listen carefully to alternate points of view, strive to fully understand them, and be willing to compromise gracefully wherever possible.
(This does not mean that one has to give up one's own beliefs and standards. It just means if I shut up, I might learn something, and if it is apparent to the other person that I am listening, then maybe they will listen to me, too. A lot of Mensans are willing to listen only to jokes.)
There often is no "right" or "wrong". Truth is not absolute. When I was a volunteer mediator, it was important to get that idea across to the opposing parties - that the truth often depends on where you stand to look at it. The example I used was - if I sent you both out to look at a house, and one of you came back and told me it was blue, and the other came back and told me it was white, which is the truth? Is it possible both are true? Eventually they would come up with a scenario where both were correct, where the house was on a corner, blue on two sides, and white on two sides, and it depended whether you were standing on the street or the avenue as to what you saw. Or that one saw it at sunrise and one at twilight (in which case it's possible the house was actually yellow). The whole house could be described only by looking at it from both sides, in full light. This usually relaxed them to where they could actually listen to each other, and hear about the other person's white wall or blue wall, instead of screaming "That's a lie!" It's really cool to hear "oh, wow, I didn't know you took it that way" in a mediation session.
For some dumb fool reason, you rarely hear that at Mensa.
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