#426 Sad

I drove into the village today and walked.  And walked and walked and walked until my right hip threatened to lock.  It's a small village.  I had to circle several neighborhoods twice.  It was another beautiful day, and I guess the village will be vacuuming up leaves soon, because at about every third house someone was out blowing or raking leaves to the curb. 

I had a lot to think about, and if I sat at home I'd think in circles and spiral down, so I walked and walked until the sun went down.  Now I'm too tired to think, but I'm still thinking anyway.  I am very sad.

Men are too much trouble.  Too hard to even attempt to understand.  Especially closed and evasive men.  I've pretty much had it.  Either he opens up and stops hiding from me, or I have to walk away.  If I stay, it will be on a different basis, with a different understanding.  I dumped that on him last night, and now it's up to him.  So I don't know why I'm still thinking so much - there's nothing left for me to decide.  I'm tired of feeling like I'm getting just leftover crumbs (he says I'm not, but that's how it feels), and that's about it.

I do understand that he has been emotionally battered, and that he needs to protect himself.  But if he doesn't understand by now that I won't hurt him that way, there's nothing more I can do.  I asked him to think about it and not to call me for a few days. 

So as soon as I got in the house this evening, naturally I looked to see if there was a message on the phone.  And I could cry because there isn't.  I'm a mess.

To make things worse, I'm afraid he's got a health issue, and he won't let me in enough to commiserate or help.

At the end of my walk, I stopped at the CVS and bought a pack of cigarettes and another box of the nicotine patches.  I stopped using the patches two or three weeks ago because even level 2 is too strong for me.  Every few days I'd buy a pack of cigarettes and smoke two or three of them, then fill the rest of the pack with water and throw them away.  Those two or three were sufficient to satisfy the craving, and to remind me that I don't really get all that much out of them. 

But I fully intend to smoke this entire pack.  All tonight if possible.  I'll start up with the patches again tomorrow.  But tonight I need the calming, and I don't drink or drug, so nicotine is it.

Don't yell at me.  I'm doing the best I can.

~~Silk

#425 Distressing the Cat

Miss Thunderfoot and I have been having some kind of misunderstanding.  She seems to think I'm trying to starve her.  Today I realized that cats don't understand about the fall time change.  Dinner time is an hour later, and she doesn't like that.

Walked again today.  I don't know how far, but my thighs and hip joints are tired.   Probably from yesterday's lifting stuff destined for the basement.  That's coming along, but not as quickly as I'd like.  Don't know if I'll make that Thanksgiving deadline I'd set, but I'm trying.  There's just too much other stuff going on, too.  Busy busy.  Fun fun.  Run, Silky, run! 

~~Silk

#424 Spanking Works!

I was setting up a canvas and cedar wardrobe in the basement today for my fluffier coats, that won't fit in the tiny coat closet upstairs, and I was a little concerned because it seemed a bit dampish down there.  There's a dehumidifier, but it wasn't running.  I turned it up the "dryer" end of the dial, and it still didn't start.  Up to "constant", and still nothing.  Eeeek!  I've got several thousand dollars worth of fabric and trims down there, not to mention the coats I'm about to store.  This is not good.  "Musty" is not good.

I checked all the plugs and the circuit breaker, and everything looked right.  It wasn't a full pan because it's connected to a drain in the floor.  I decided I was going to have to buy a new dehumidifier tomorrow.

I went back to putting the wardrobe together, and at one point I set the hammer down on a stack of boxes.  The top box shifted, and the hammer fell on the dehumidifier.

It started right up.

I guess those people who pound on appliances when they're balky know a thing or two.

~~Silk

#423 Windy Wednesday

I went to the deli, bank, and drugstore this afternoon, and decided to walk a bit while I was in the village.  It was very windy and very cold, and I wasn't dressed warmly enough, but I did it anyway, because it's good for my weight and good for my back.  Time to put gloves in the car again, for "just in case".

I wasn't wearing my watch, so I got very confused as to what time it was.  Several shops that were supposed to be open until at least 5 pm were closed, so even though I thought it was earlier, I decided it must be after 5.  And then when I passed the Indian restaurant, which opens for dinner at 5, it was closed.  Huh?

It was about 4:30 when I got home, so now I'm wondering why all those shops were closed.

Very strange.

~~Silk

#422 Phone Tag

I set aside time this evening to do some paperwork, and most of it was consumed by the telephone. 

Daughter called, but she was about to get into the car to go home from work, so she asked me to call her back in a half hour.

I did.  But she had stopped at the grocery store, was putting bags in the car, and asked me to call her back in ten minutes, she'd be home by then.

In the meantime, my friend from the end of  entry #419 called.  He had tried to call Monday afternoon (but I was still at lunch), tried to leave a message to say that he had a meeting last night and couldn't call later.  But my machine wouldn't take a message, he got double beeps (I had five "blank" messages on my machine when I got home), so I didn't kill him.  However, I told him I had to call Daughter, she seemed to want to ensure I'd be available, there must be something up, so I'd call him back after I talked with her.

Called Daughter.  We talked for a while.  Nothing earthshattering.  I wondered (to myself) why she seemed so anxious to talk with me.

After I hung up with Daughter, I called my friend back, on the cell phone, and settled in for a long and satisfying conversation.

During my talk with him, Daughter (I am assuming) tried to call my cell (yes, I have call waiting, but I never learned how to use it), then she tried the house phone, and I heard her leave a message on the answering machine that she DID have an issue she needed to talk with me about, and was now ready to talk about it.

Friend and I were into something, so I didn't immediately kick him off the phone, but then the house phone rang again, and there was no message left, so I figured Daughter was getting anxious, so ...  and my memory gets a bit fuzzy here, but to the best of my recall this is how it went ... I told him I'd have to call Daughter again, and I'd call him back. 

He has the patience of a saint.

Called Daughter.  She and Hercules were eating dinner, and she "couldn't talk now".  Call back later.  I waited a half hour and called again, and I got her cell voice mail.  Four times over the next 20 minutes.

Gave up and called my friend back.  I felt bad about hanging up on him twice and then making him wait so long.  We continued and finished our conversation.

Called Daughter again.  I had gotten her voice mail earlier because she had been talking to someone else (yes, she does have call waiting, and she does know how to use it).   And no, she didn't want to talk about whatever the big issue was anymore because she had gotten out whatever she had to say with whomever she had been talking with while I had my friend on hold and had been trying to get hold of her.

I think she was annoyed that I seemed to have put my friend before her.

I am frustrated and annoyed that I was unable to make any kind of connection with her, and I didn't get my paperwork done.  I'm going to be up half the night again tonight.

Whatever!!!!!!

~~Silk

#421 My Age in Seconds

From http://www.paulsadowski.com/birthday.asp

You entered: 10/27/1944

Your date of conception was on or about 4 February 1944.

You were born on a Friday
under the astrological sign Scorpio.
Your Life path number is 1.

The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2431390.5.
The golden number for 1944 is 7.
The epact number for 1944 is 5.
The year 1944 was a leap year.

As of 11/1/2005 3:24:11 PM CST
You are 61 years old.
You are 733 months old.
You are 3,184 weeks old.
You are 22,285 days old.
You are 534,855 hours old.
You are 32,091,324 minutes old.
You are 1,925,479,451 seconds old.
You are 8.72211350293542 dog years old. (You old hound dog, you!)

There are 360 days till your next birthday
on which your cake will have 62 candles

Those 62 candles produce 62 BTUs,
or 15,624 calories of heat (that's only 15.6240 food Calories!) .
You can boil 7.09 US ounces of water with that many candles.  

In 1944 there were approximately 2.5 million births in the US.
In 1944 the US population was approximately 131,669,275 people, 44.2 persons per square mile.
In 1944 in the US there were approximately 1,595,879 marriages (12.1%) and 264,000 divorces (2%)
In 1944 in the US there were approximately 1,417,000 deaths (10.8 per 1000)


Your birthstone is Tourmaline
The Mystical properties of Tourmaline

Pink Tourmaline promotes female balance and protection. Green Toumaline promotes male balance.

Some lists consider these stones to be your birthstone. (Birthstone lists come from Jewelers, Tibet, Ayurvedic Indian medicine, and other sources)

Opal, Jasper

Your birth tree is

Walnut Tree, the Passion

Unrelenting,strange and full of contrasts, often egoistic, aggressive, noble, broad horizon, unexpected reactions, spontaneous, unlimited ambition, no flexibility, difficult and uncommon partner, not always liked but often admired, ingenious strategist, very jealous and passionate, no compromises.

There are 54 days till Christmas 2005!

The moon's phase on the day you were
born was waxing gibbous.

It says I was born on a Friday, which I hadn't known before. "... Friday's child is loving and giving."

~~Silk

#420 From a Mensa Group Site

One evening a grandson was talking to his grandmother about current events.  The grandson asked his grandmother what she thought about the shootings at schools, the computer age, and just things in general.

The Grandma replied, "Well, let me think a minute, I was born before:

       ' television

       ' penicillin

       ' polio shots

       ' frozen foods

       ' Xerox

       ' contact lenses

       ' Frisbees and

       ' the pill

There was no:

       ' radar

       ' credit cards

       ' laser beams or

       ' ball-point pens

Man had not invented:

       ' pantyhose

       ' air conditioners

       ' dishwashers

       ' clothes dryers

       ' and the clothes were hung out to dry in the fresh air and

       ' man hadn't yet walked on the moon


Your Grandfather and I got married first, . . . and then lived
together.

Every family had a father and a mother.

Until I was 25, I called every man older than me, "Sir".
And after I turned 25, I still called policemen and every man with a title, "Sir."

We were before gay-rights, computer- dating, dual careers, daycare centers, and group therapy.

Our lives were governed by the Ten Commandments, good judgment, and common sense.

We were taught to know the difference between right and wrong and to stand up and take responsibility for our actions.

Serving your country was a privilege; living in this country was a bigger privilege.

We thought fast food was what people ate during Lent.

Having a meaningful relationship meant getting along with your cousins.

Draft dodgers were people who closed their front doors when the evening breeze started.

Time-sharing meant time the family spent together in the evenings and weekends -not purchasing condominiums.

We never heard of FM radios, tape decks, CDs, electric typewriters, yogurt, or guys wearing earrings.

We listened to the Big Bands, Jack Benny, and the President's speeches on our radios.

And I don't ever remember any kid blowing his brains out listening to Tommy Dorsey.

If you saw anything with 'Made in Japan ' on it, it was junk.

The term 'making out' referred to how you did on your school exam.

Pizza Hut, McDonald's, and instant coffee were unheard of.

We had 5 &10-cent stores where you could actually buy things for 5 and 10 cents.

Ice-cream cones, phone calls, rides on a streetcar, and a Pepsi were all a nickel.

And if you didn't want to splurge, you could spend your nickel on enough stamps to mail 1 letter and 2 postcards.

You could buy a new Chevy Coupe for $600, . . . but who could afford one? Too bad, because gas was 11 cents a gallon.

In my day:

       ' "grass" was mowed,

       ' "coke" was a cold drink,

       ' "pot" was something your mother cooked in and

       ' "rock music" was your grandmother's lullaby.

       ' "Aids" [aides] were helpers in the Principal's office,

       ' " chip" meant a piece of wood,

       ' "hardware" was found in a hardware store and

       ' "software" wasn't even a word.

And we were the last generation to actually believe that a lady needed a husband to have a baby. No wonder people call us "old and confused" and say there is a generation gap... and how old do you think I am?

I bet you have an old lady in mind...you are in for a shock!

Read on to see -- pretty scary if you think about it and pretty sad at the same time.

This woman would be only 58 years old!

Actually, this list must be a little old, needs updating, because radar was in use right about the time I was born.  But still....

~~Silk