One of the reasons that I had to purge yesterday's frustrations last night was that there was a spot of anger on top. After I finished the cruise schedule, I was puttering around, and I found some old local chapter newsletters. I was leafing through them preparing to throw them out, when I found something that really pissed me off.
Let me back up a bit.
When May's husband died, I called a certain local group officer and asked him to spread the word. May and her husband went to only a few annual local activities, but for 20 years, they always went together. Although he was not technically a member, he was well known to many of us "long term" folks, particularly those of us in the northern part of the territory. This particular officer is relatively newer to the group, and lives near the center of population, so to speak. One of the things that has annoyed me the past few years is an "in-group" mentality that seems to be growing. There is a core of about 15 people who seem to think that they are "it", the only ones who matter, and everyone else is peripheral. And this guy is one of the worst at keeping that going. I am sort of on the edges of that group, in that I go to many of "their" events.
So, I call this guy, ask him to help spread the word, and I suggested that there be a notice in the newsletter.
His response left me speechless. He informed me that "We don't usually do that. I mean, if a member has passed away, we'll put a notice in, but not for family of a member." I was shocked. First of all, the statement itself was ridiculous. Not to offer condolences as a group to a member who had lost a loved one? Second, anyone who had been to any of NJ's several annual events for the past 20 years knew May's husband well. But, of course, the "in" group doesn't often attend NJ's parties, which tend to attract the older (years of membership, not just age) group.
He must have noticed my shocked silence, and then remembered that when Jay had died three years before, there had been a newsletter mention. So he said "Of course Jay was different. He went to the dinners with you all the time, so we knew him." Um. The "in group" dinners, of course. How dare I forget that "we" are the only ones who count. (BTW - Jay had qualified for membership, and was invited to join, but we figured there was no point in paying double dues, so he had never signed up.)
I pointed out that May's husband had been attending events with her for more than 20 years, and was well known to the older members.
At that, he realized he'd stepped in it, and he agreed to talk to the newsletter editor.
So, last night I'm leafing through old newsletters, and found one from a couple of years before May's husband died, and what do I find?
Condolences offered on the death of guess who's father!
As far as I know, his father was not a member, and had never attended a single event, and was not known to any of the membership. And he had the NERVE!!! the GALL!!! to attempt to refuse the same courtesy for someone so well known to so many of us. And even if May's husband were not known to us, he was still her husband!
I was so angry when I saw that, that I could have spit nails. At him. I may yet.
~~Silk
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