Back in Entry #169, I mentioned that I had once been offered a contract as a mistress, and promised to write about it. Here goes.
I married Ex#1 in August 1965, about a week after my college graduation. He was in the Army, stationed in Germany, and had returned for my graduation. He decided we would get married while he was home on leave. My mother wouldn't sign for us to get married (I was underaged) unless I promised not to return to Germany (and poverty, and babies) with him. Actually, I had hoped she'd flatly refuse permission and get me out of it entirely, but she didn't. I didn't want to marry him at all, but Ex#1 made threats, and I wasn't strong enough to withstand them. I was pretty solidly beaten down by then. At that time of my life, I'd go along with pretty much anything anyone else wanted to do because it was easier - and going my own way certainly hadn't worked for me. I think my mother was worried about my going off alone so young (remember, this was the 60s) and thought marrying me off would keep me safe. Or maybe that's too charitable.
Anyway, after the mini-wedding, he went back to Germany, and in the fall of 1965 I started teaching high school math in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania. I acquired some single female friends - Jeannie and Ruby - and we used to go dancing every weekend at the 6-15 Club in York. Ruby had a driver's license, but no car, and I had a car but only a learner's permit, so I would drive and Ruby would drink. Worked out fine.
The "theme" for the place (if it had one at all) was the Roaring 20s, Speakeasy, so the band always played a Charleston at the beginning and end of every set. Jeannie and Ruby and I had worked out a smokin' Charleston, and several times we were boosted up onto the stage, and delayed the band's break time (until the owner said not to do that - insurance problems - we had to stay on the dance floor). The three of us were pretty much the queens of the 6-15. At closing time, almost everyone went to a particular all-night diner for breakfast, and we three were always cheered and applauded there when we walked in (we went all-out on the closing Charleston).
Since I was the married one, I didn't dance with men. If any asked me to dance (and a lot did - the 6-15 club had ultraviolet light only, and for some reason, my chestnut hair and unpolished fingernails glowed lavender white - I was gorgeous!) I'd tell them I wouldn't dance, but if they'd like to sit down, I'd talk with them for the duration of one dance.
That's how I met Amadeo.
Amadeo was in his early 30s, an electrical engineer from Naples, Italy, had gone to graduate school at Yale, and then stayed. He wasn't tall (but was taller than I), but was dark and handsome, very intelligent and cultured, knew his way around a wine list, spoke English, Italian, French, and Spanish fluently, and German and Portugese well enough to get around. He found me very different from most American girls, and a mutual fascination developed.
Through the spring of 1966, Amadeo and I talked often at the 6-15, and at breakfast after. That summer, we visited Hanover Farms, home of the famous harness racers. He knew one of the trainers, so we got a private tour. Romantic "dating" was not an option, but it seemed like innocent daytime field trips were ok. I also accompanied him to a few business functions where he needed a "date" to round out the table. I fell madly in fascination. I wished things were different. I wanted my own life back! There are fascinating things out there, and I wanted them! Eventually I had to stop seeing him, because I knew it wasn't going anywhere good. He accepted that.
And then, Ex#1 returned. Actually, he had been transferred from Germany to Seattle about six months before, but apparently had been enjoying single life himself, and hadn't even suggested that I join him there. When he got out of the Army late in the summer of 1967, I told him I wanted out. He didn't. I didn't have the strength to leave. I wanted him to leave me. He wouldn't.
We movedto Lansdale, Pennsylvania, in late August 1967, and I started teaching there. That's a whole story in itself, but anyway, in like January 1968, one of the other teachers showed me an ad in the paper - The Company was testing applicants for programming school. He suggested that I would be good at that, so I went to Philadelphia and took the test - just for fun, with no thought that I would actually be able to take a job if offered anyway. As it happened, I scored higher on the test than any other applicant in history. The Company went after me BIG TIME! They even offered me the services of the corporate lawyers if I had legal issues keeping me in Pennsylvania. That gave me the courage I needed, and I finally left.
So, summer of 1968, I am in the Mid-Hudson valley, working for The Company, and who do I get a call from?
After Amadeo and I had broken off contact, he had transferred to New Haven, Connecticut. Unbeknownst to me, he had kept track of me through my Gettysburg friend, Jeannie. Jeannie told him I had left Ex#1, and gave him my address and phone number. He immediately drove to within a few miles of my home, and called for directions to the house. I met him at a restaurant in town.
The next weekend, there was some big deal in New Haven (Yale Homecoming football game?) and he invited me for the weekend. He got a room in a hotel for me, and when I checked in, I told the desk that they were not to give out my room number to anyone. When he arrived to pick me up for dinner, I met him in the lobby, and he was steamed because the clerks wouldn't give him my room number. He got really pissed when later that evening, I wouldn't let him come up with me. He had no intention of continuing the relationship on the same basis as before. He wanted more.
I wanted to move slowly. That's just the way I am. But then I remembered Byron, in college. I really liked him, too, but he wandered away because I wouldn't "produce". He never once so much as got a button undone on me, but he absolutely destroyed my reputation (and my mind, what little sanity I had left...) on the way out. I was afraid of losing Amadeo for the samereason. What good is being a "good girl" if you can't keep a man. There's something wrong there.
Sooooo .... pretty soon things got pretty hot and heavy.
And then one day he said he wanted to keep me with him forever. But, as I was a divorcee, he couldn't marry me. He explained how things work in his world. I don't know how much this applies to Italy in general, but it's how things worked in his social/cultural set. Or at least that's what he told me.
He came to the US first and worked to bring his parents over. Then his father worked to bring his mistress. (Then the rest of his children.) The mistress has an apartment a few miles from his parents'home in New Haven. Yes, his mother knows about her. No problem. It's accepted.
When a young man marries, he finds a woman who fits into his family, who gets along well with and is approved by his mother, sisters, other female relatives. Virtue, suitability, and social standing are foremost. Love and compatibility are optional. Then, after a proper number of children, he finds a mistress. The mistress is chosen based on love and compatibility. She is chosen even more carefully than the wife, because although the wife comes first, the mistress is every bit as secure as the wife, because she has a contract. It's definitely not a temporary appointment.
The contract outlines the duties and responsibilities of the man and the mistress.
She is to be available to him whenever he needs her. She will be a hostess when he entertains. She is free to have an outside job, but it's better if she is self-employed, if at all, so that she can adjust her worktime and vacations to fit his needs. It is of course assumed that she will always strive to be comforting and supportive.
He will provide her with suitable accomodations, and will pay for all the utilities and necessities and so on, plus a stipend for her personal purchases. He will also be available to her on demand, with the understanding that the legal family has priority. If he should die, she will be taken care of.
If there are children, they will be provided for through college.
In the United States, the contracts must be cleverly written to be legally enforced, but this is not a big concern because the rest of the man's family will ensure that the contracts are honored, as a matter of Family Honor, so not to worry. The only way out of the contract for either party is death or mutual agreement.
He said the wife doesn't mind, because she knows that's how it is, and her social and financial position are not threatened. She knows she will take priority. Plus, the mistress "takes the pressure off" so to speak. Most wives of his class appreciate the release.
He said he is breaking tradition by having found the mistress first. His parents won't be happy - they have been putting pressure on him to marry - but he is sure they'll give in and accept it, especially since, once he's sure I'm in his corner, he would be more willing to marry anyone they chose. He was so happy, so excited.
I stopped answering the phone, returned his letters unopened, and cried for months.
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