Saturday, February 12, 2005

#142 My New Year's Resolution

For many years, I kept a daily notebook.  A series of small spiral-bound notepads where I wrote down everything I did every day - where I went, who I saw, telephone conversations, commitments I made, things I did, where the pain was today.... no opinions, just the facts ma'am.  Usually one page a day.  At the bottom of the page was a list of things to do, and I crossed them off as I did them, and moved them forward as they got put off.

If I ever wondered "When was Thunder's last vet appointment?", I could find it.  "When did I water the plants last?"  "Where did I get those water filters?"  "Who built the ramp at the front door?  What's his phone number?"  It was all in there.  My days were cohesive and progressive.

My days were also productive.  I had a responsibility to the notebook.  We couldn't have day after day of "Read all day".  Couldn't move whole blocks of "To Do"s from day to day to day. 

I think these notebooks were a major factor in my getting things done. 

In the last phases of Jay's illness, I stopped keeping my own notebook.  There wasn't time to write even a page.  Instead, I kept daily notes of Jay's medications, exercises, temperature, mood, mental status, eating, eliminating, appointments, vomiting, bathing.  All the things that had to be tracked and/or reported.

After Jay was gone, I tried to start my notebooks up again, but it was sporadic, and sporadic just doesn't work.

I look over my days now, and it's clear that I have to make a commitment to them again.  It's just too easy to waste time doing nothing, day after day.

I think I'll make that my belated New Year's resolution.  Keep daily notes again.

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