It may not have been apparent from the previous entry, but I was a little depressed yesterday afternoon. Tears were ever near the surface. I figured it was because today is the fourth anniversary of one of the hardest days of my life, and I can't help feeling like I have ... forgotten, perhaps? over the past few months. I have begun to move on. And here I am having a very nice birthday, and he never got to celebrate his fiftieth.
I thought I would be very unhappy today, so I decided not to go to the Halloween party this evening. It's a good (annual) party. I had been looking forward to it for weeks, even bought a special dress and cape for it. I thought that this year I would be better able to handle the memories, not that it has been any worse than a "quiet day" in previous years, but yesterday things were building up quickly. I really expected to crash and burn today.
Also several weeks ago I had signed up for a drumming class. I thought it would be great fun. I originally got the date wrong for the class, had put it on the calendar for 9/29, and was surprised to find, when the materials arrived, that it was actually scheduled for today, 10/29. I was tempted to skip it, too, I didn't see how I could possibly enjoy it, but yesterday's companion talked me into going to it anyway.
So I dragged me off to the college, turned at the wrong intersection, went in the wrong entrance, couldn't find the right building, was actually literally told I "couldn't get there from here", finally found the building but couldn't find the room (it was in the building BEHIND the named building, accessible through a breezeway) etc. etc. Finally found the room, five minutes late, by following the sound of hand drums.
Surprise! I had fun! I was actually able to keep up (I have two left hands, can't seem to keep track of what they're doing), and I enjoyed it.
After the class (ended at 4 pm) I went to the Everready Diner (One "r"? Two "r"s?) for the spinach dip and tea. I like most of their food, but they've GOT to do something about the noise! There's a constant roar. Something strange about the acoustics, too. There was a woman sitting 20 feet from me speaking to her friends, and I could clearly hear everything she said. I could clearly hear everything everyone said! All at once!
There are no secrets at the Everready.
But the spinach dip is good.
I don't remember it being so loud there. Back when I was taking the EMS classes, we used to meet there to study and quiz each other the evening before tests. I think that might be impossible now.
I drove through Rhinebeck at 6 pm, and it was pretty amazing. It seems like every flat surface in town has a line of real carved pumpkins, most with candles, the children's home has hundreds of them lined up on the stone wall, the Beekman Arms's lawn is covered with them. It was light dusk, and the grins flickered. The center of town was packed with people, and there was some kind of market going on in the Foster's parking lot. They were selling already carved pumpkins there - $3 for a small one, $5 for a large. All different, all unique. Wow! That's a deal!
So, I'm feeling pretty good. A lot better than expected, but not so good that I regret missing the party. It would have been a very long drive alone, too much time to think.
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