#349 Surfing the Online Dating Scene

I figured after yesterday's tribulations, I needed some amusement, so I ran a search on a local online dating site.  My criteria was age 55 to 65, distance within 20 miles, divorced or widowed only, language English, photo entries only (photos only because I'm not serious, just fiddling). 

I got 41 hits.  (The first time I did this, two years or so ago, when Daughter found Hercules online and I was curious, I came up with a nice guy in a wheelchair.  Hey!  I drive a handicap-equipped van!  Match made in Heaven!  I passed his bio on to Daughter, and she flipped.   "Mother, turn the computer off and leave it off!"  Guess she didn't understand I was only fiddling.  Besides, hey, he sounded really nice!  Who knows?)

Of today's 41, I threw out all the ugly ones.  (Yeah, shallow, but I'm only fiddling.)  Down to 35.

Then I threw out all the old fart dreamers looking for barely legal chicks.  Shows confidence, but who's he kidding.  Down to 32.

Then I threw out all the ones who mentioned skiing, jet skis, snowmobiles, tennis, football, or camping within the first few sentences of their detail.  Down to 20.

Threw out the ones whose photo showed obviously white on white hair, but who described their hair as brown.  What else is he dissembling about?  Down to 18.

Threw out all the ones who mentioned or implied sex within the first 10 words.  Down to 14.

Threw out all who insisted on religious specifics.  Down to 9.

Then I started reading detail.   "...now i know what i want.she should be inteligent...."  Hit the BACK button!

"I do a lot of camping I have a camper in a nude park. I go to foxwoods and others. I have to kids thay are on there own."  BAAACK!

"Your thigh-highs, thong, and shelf bra excite you as much as me..."  WAAAY BAAAACK!  Ouch, ouch!  Hurt my finger on that one!

"Salary level required, min $150K", from a medical professional, the only one to specify any salary level required of the lady.  BACK.  What an idiot!

"I am buying land in Nevada to establish a religion-based community..."  Eeeek!  BACK!

And so on.  Down to one left. 

The last standing was good looking, really nice, articulate, doesn't even drink, accepts a smoker, interests merge with mine, everything perfect, and he's only 10 miles down the road.  The catch?  Under ethnicity, he specified everything BUT white.  I'm so white in bright sunlight I'm blinding.  Can't even get a decent tan. 

Down to zero.

Mission accomplished.  I am amused.

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The above trek through oblivion is a minor offshoot from a conversation a few days ago.  I was invited to a, um, party, for lack of a better word, and I wasn't sure whether I wanted to go or not because it was a theme, um, party, and I am unfamiliar with the theme and was afraid I'd feel awkward and out of place.  I asked if there were likely to be any single late 50s to early 60s men there.  After much thought, "Yeah, there's one, but you wouldn't want him."

The youngest person at the table (bless her heart) wondered why I'd want a man "that old", anyway.  I said "Hey Chicky, careful there. I'm 61."   She (bless her heart) was shocked, (even though she'd seen me in dance class for a year, often without makeup) and said,

(please read the following two or three times, loudly, with proper emphasis)

"You CAN'T be 61!  You don't have any WRINKLES !" 

Ok, I'm still 60, but once I pass the x years and 10 months mark, I start using the next number.  Don't know why.  Always have.  Got me into trouble once or twice.  And I DO have wrinkles, but they fold up neatly into a smile.  The whole idea is interesting because I have never done anything to prevent wrinkles.   The closest I come is sometimes I use Noxema on the few occasions when I wash my face at the sink rather than in a bath or shower.

Jay had a theory that scrubbing, peeling, or exfoliating would age skin faster, because it forces the outer layers to replace themselves faster, and a cell can reproduce only so many times.

Interesting.  Damn!  I think I just may be going into my prime!  I've lost 10 pounds since I returned from Hawaii.  5 a week.  30 or so more to go.  I could be there by my birthday.  I think all the walking in Hawaii and New Orleans reset some kind of thermostat or something. The chrysalis is opening.
 
~~Silk