#379 Kermit's Zipper; Pay the Piper

The auction stuff that I picked up Sunday is still out in the van.  The African screen is very heavy and an awkward size, but the main problem is an off and on drizzle, which has depressed my mood, making it difficult to work up the energy.  I've decided to hang it in the master bath, but until I can remove the towel rack and get the hangers in, it'll have to stay in the van, because there's no convenient place to rest it in the meantime.  It has zillions of tiny sharp bits - the gazelles' feet and horns, the dangly spearheads - so I can't rest it anywhere I might brush against it.

I called The Rabbi again last evening, when we would have more time to talk.  I was on the phone with him for an hour and a half.  Man, I must have been completely out of it when we were in college.  I remember only one party where there were alcoholic drinks.  I thought drinking just wasn't done there and then.  And I thought The Rabbi was one of the most sober and sensible and sensitive people I knew.  Turns out there was a LOT of drinking going on.  I just wasn't invited, perhaps because it was known I would disapprove?  And worse, although The Rabbi quit drinking shortly after college because he realized he might have a problem with it, during college, he says he was drunk constantly, that I may never have seen him sober.  Oh, good grief.  I know I was, and still am, rather puritanical and naive.  I never knew he drank at all!  My head is spinning.

The one party I went to where there was alcohol was the night Kermit, Rabbi's roommate, zipped "himself" into his pants.  Parts of it The Rabbi and I remember the same, but large pieces are so different. 

I remember that the party was (in the winter) in a summer cottage owned by the parents of one of the kids, and the water was shut off, so Kermit had gone outside to piddle, and when he came back in he had a very strange pained look on his face.  He huddled with some of the guys, and then he and The Rabbi left in a hurry.  The other guys told us, with much amusement, that Rabbi was taking Kermit to the hospital, and why.  I remember how funny everybody left at the party thought it was.

The Rabbi's version of the story is a little different. 

He says that he and Kermit left the party to take one of the girls to her parents' home in Shamokin because she was very sick drunk, and that it was only after they got in the car (when Kermit couldn't easily sit, I assume?) that Kermit discovered his problem, so they went to the hospital, and while the guys were in the emergency room, leaving the girl in the car, the girl ... um ... lost control of three bodily functions and thoroughly destroyed the seat upholstery in The Rabbi's car.

Now, there's a conflict here.  If Kermit wasn't aware of the problem until they left, how come we at the party all knew what had happened?  I distinctly remember the look on Kermit's face when he came in from his trip outside.  Also, I do not remember that particular girl, who was a friend of mine, being at that party at all.  On the other hand, Rabbi's car was thoroughly trashed, so he ought to remember the occasion distinctly.  It's a mystery.

I later heard that when they got to the hospital, the extraction of "himself" from the zipper would be considered surgery, so they had to call Kermit's parents for permission (Rabbi said it was the insurance info they needed), which was all even more embarrassing.  And that Kermit almost fainted when the doctor made a joke about having never performed an emergency circumcision before.

I wonder if he and I are remembering two different nights?  Is he combining the zipper incident from the party I was at with the girl incident from a different party that I wasn't at?  Is it possible Kermit did it twice???  (Nah....  I suspect that's something a guy might do once then never again.)

The moral of the story:
1. There's usually a lot more going on around you than you'd ever notice.
2. Two people will remember the exact same event quite differently, yet quite honestly.
3. Underpants have a purpose!  Wear them!

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Flash!  Piper, my financial advisor just called.  Longish phone conversation.  The reason I haven't been able to catch him in his office is that he had been in the hospital in Albany undergoing testing.  They didn't find anything,  He's still low energy I guess, but high spirits.

Anyway, while we were setting up an office appointment to discuss moving some of my stock to some kind of bonds, he suggested that we make it a time convenient for lunch at the local inn, which has just reopened, and before I really thought about it, I said ok.  So the appointment is for 11 am Thursday, followed by lunch.

Ouch!  Again, I have screwed up.  THIS IS NOT A "DATE"!  Is it?  I hope not.  I hope this is normal business practice for him. But I've met with him at least twice now, and his partner the Angel has done my business taxes, and there has not yet been any discussion of payment for their services.  I asked once and was told "don't worry about it."  I think we'd better nail that issue early in the meeting Thursday, before I am forced to have to worry about staying in his good graces.

Sigh.  Reread the three morals above.  

~~Silk